New year, New start.......and another go at this blogging thing

After taking the first step and plucking up the courage to have a go at this blogging lark I very quickly lost my bottle and it has sat here for much longer than it should have done without being touched.
I found the thought of others being able to read what I had written rather intimidating. What if it wasn't good enough? What if I came across as a bit of a numptie who couldn't compose a complete sentence without a mistake? What if maybe I gave just a bit too much of 'me' away and my web buddies decided I wasn't all they thought I was after all?

See all that is kind of my problem. I think too much and worry far too much about what others may think of me. Its hard not to though isnt it? In a world that can be so judgemental and competitive, not fitting in and making the grade is a worry and instead of putting myself out there I find myself not saying anything at all in fear of saying the wrong thing.

I have decided that has got to change!

Anyhow, after being super brave (well maybe just a little bit brave) and taking the decision to become a governor at the button's primary school things have kind of snowballed. I'm still struggling to catch up with the changes that I have made but I must say I'm loving every minute.
That first step showed me that maybe, just maybe I was capable of functioning in the big wide world outside of my cosy and safe living room.

An innocent conversation about education with my bestest of forum buddies over on the (3rd reincarnation of the) shut up Carole thread led to me being very much encouraged to do something that I have dreamed about for a number of years.
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a midwife. I cant even explain why but for some inexplicable reason I feel it is kind of my calling. Its just something that in my heart I crave to do.
So one dreary morning in November I phoned the local college and enquired about an access course. That in itself felt like a huge ordeal, picking up the phone and talking to a stranger is a bit scary....But I did it.
After yet more encouragement I decided to go the the open evening just to get a little bit of advice. Much to my surprise I was given an application form, Told to fill it in and was invited to and interview and assessment day 2 days later. I didn't really have time to get nervous. I just went along with it.
A week later I got a letter telling me they were pleased to be able to offer me a place *cue Chockie bricking it*

During this time I had also decided to apply for my first job in over 10 years. Again much to my surprise I breezed through the interview for that too and was offered a position on the bank staff as a HCA with the local hospital with the hope of it leading to some shifts on maternity. I'm still waiting for a few formalities to be completed before I can start but I'm feeling good about it.

I started college this week and I have to say I'm loving it. I feel like a grown up again. I was scared of feeling like that quiet little girl who I was when at school Scared to open my mouth in case what came out made me look foolish but its nothing like that. I love having other grown ups to talk to. I feel I'm coming into my own. I have an opinion and when I speak people stop and listen to what I'm saying. Sometimes they agree, Sometimes they don't, but that doesn't matter as they respect me for having an opinion anyway. What I have to say is valid and people want to hear it and in that I feel validated. I am a person again.

I feel new again, I'm excited for the first time in a long time and I'm looking forward to what the future may hold.

I have a few people I want to thank while I'm here and they are my forum buddies.....So in no particular order, to Balders, Bertie, Mikey, Miniluv, Janet, Kitty, Plausy, Scots and poblet......And any others I may have missed.....Thank you. You have all helped make me the person I feel I am today. You have supported and encouraged me and listened to my silly insecurities and worries without complaint. Without you all I would still be sad, lonely and feeling like the future had nothing exciting to offer me.
Right now I cant wait to see what's coming next.